Rosie Reforms Chapter 23

The witch of Mount Buttock poured out a cup of tea for her friend Croc Capone.

“I've reformed Croc,” she said, “Given up the witching and seen the light.”

“Whatever's got into you Rosie? Are you feeling alright?” Croc gasped.

“Yes I'm feeling fine, and please don't call me Rosie Buttock and more, Croc. From now on, I shall be known as Rhoda Proctis. It sounds more posh, and as you know, Proctis was my dear father's name.”

“But you hated him, Rosie. Sorry, Rhoda.” Croc Capone whispered, in complete bewilderment.

The witch of Mount Buttock sipped her tea. Suddenly she said.

“You know I adore children, Croc.”

“Yes, I know that alright, when you can get hold of them, of course.” he replied.

“Therapod children are allowed to run wild, Croc. It's not right. And I hear that Crocadilly has laid eight eggs on a secret beach on Hideaway Island, and left them buried and alone. What exactly are you getting at Rhoda?” asked Croc Capone, “Bad Jason said that he would rescue those eggs for me, as soon as they hatched,” said the witch, “and you could bring the poor little Therapods to my orphanage, Croc. When I have trained them, they can come to Mount Buttock, there are plenty of good jobs waiting for them there.”

“You are a wonder, Rosie, sorry, I mean Rhoda.” said Croc Capone.

Not many days after this conversation had taken place, Crocobilly and Crocadilly were in their kitchen at Hideaway Island, preparing a big party. Crocadilly was making crunchy beetle and banana balls, and Crocobilly was putting the finishing touches to eight little birthday cakes.

“They say the Witch of Mount Buttock has reformed,” he said to his wife.

“The only one that says that is the witch herself,” Crocadilly replied,” She was round here the other day collecting money for the orphanage she says that she has just opened, and asking me when my eggs would be ready to hatch.”

“I hope you didn't tell her,” Crocobilly said.

“No. I didn't give her any money either. She shouldn't be allowed to open an orphanage after the way she treated Rebecca, and the other children.” Crocadilly arranged the beetle and banana balls in a big white bowl, and stuck an orange flower on top.

“I'm going to fetch the babies now Crocobilly.”

“Shall I come too?” Crocobilly asked “I'm so excited I really can't settle down till I see them.”

“No, dear you go out to the beach with our guests, they are all there now waiting to sing Happy Birthday to the children. I shall bring them safely, I won't take long.” Crocadilly swam to the secret beach where her eggs were buried in the sand, and very gently, she moved the sand away. She began to talk to her children, encouraging them to break through the leathery egg shells. The eggs shook with activity, and soon the first babies were poking their snouts through. It did not take long for all the eggs to hatch, and eight tiny crocodiles stood blinking in the sunlight. Quietly and calmly, Crocadilly led them down to the water, then she opened her mouth and let the babies inside. She set off through the water, her children safe in her mouth, and they peered through her teeth at the strange new world.

Round the corner, Croc Capone and Bad Jason waited in the reeds wearing black masks, and ready to pounce. Crocadilly glided past the reeds with her babies, she could not wait to show them to Crocobilly and all their waiting friends. As she passed, out sprang the two ruffians, and while Croc Capone did his best to push Crocadilly under the water, Bad Jason forced his cruel iron hook into her mouth and twisted it between her teeth. Crocadilly did her best to keep her mouth tightly shut. Bad Jason only managed to open it a little way, but that was enough for two of the babies to be swept out of Crocadilly's mouth, and into Bad Jason's. 

The two bad crocodiles immediately turned round and rushed away with the babies. They swam for hours, until they came to a place where the waters of the Swamp grow gloomy and stagnant. Mount Buttockrose in front of them, and as they approached the shore, they saw a notice, stuck into a pile of rotting rubbish. It said “The Ms Rhoda Proctis orphanage. Protected by spells. Keep out.” The witch was sitting in the garden and when she saw Bad Jason and Croc Capone she hurried down to the shore.

“Well, have you got them?” she asked. Bad Jason spat the two baby crocodiles onto the ground.

“Is that all?” the witch yelled. “You hopeless pair of fools, I shan't pay you anything for just two miserable little crocodiles. But now you are here, you might as well stay and do a bit of gardening.”

“Not likely.” said Bad Jason, and hurried away. 

“I'm off.” said Croc Capone, and followed him. The witch snatched up the babies, and stamped away with them to her orphanage.

When Crocadilly had arrived at Hideaway Island with only six of her babies, and had told everyone how the other two had been kidnapped. Crocobilly started to rush down to the water, saying that he was sure that the Witch of Mount Buttock wanted them for her orphanage, and that he was going after the villains to beat them into pulp. His friends held him back, and Uncle Bron said.

“It would be wrong to use violence, some of the children might get hurt.” So they made a plan. 

It was decided that Rex and Queenie's son Andrew would go to the orphanage and ask for a job. He would work for nothing, as he was in a youth training scheme. Everyone knew that the Witch of Mount Buttock always expected something for nothing and the offer of a big strong tyrannosaur like Andrew to work for her would be irresistible. Once inside the orphanage, Andrew would have to think of a plan to get the witch out of the way, while he rescued the babies.

The witch could not believe her luck when Andrew turned up at her orphanage and offered to work for her. She set him clearing rubbish straight away, whilst she went off to watch swamp telly. The reception was rotten under the shadow of Mount Buttock. Fixing a bigger aerial could be Andrew's next job. She would persuade him to stay for a long time, it would be easy she thought, well bought up people like Andrew, with beautiful manners, are always stupid. In the garden Andrew saw lots of little therapods, they all looked miserable, and most were too young to talk. Then he noticed two young crocodiles, crouching together in a dark corner. As he worked he moved closer to them, and heard two of the older therapods trying to talk to the babies.

“My name is Gemma Stegosaurus,” one of them said, “and this is my friend Robyn. We have come to tell you not to eat the food here. The witch puts a powder in it. She says that it is a vitamin supplement, but we think it's to make us forget our real homes, and our Mums and Dads. Robyn and I will bring you some fish for breakfast.” But the babies seamed too young to understand what she said, and gazed at her solemnly. The witch came down to the garden carrying a large bowl.

“Here's your food Andrew, eat it all,” she said.

“I shall find my own food, thank you Ms Proctis.” he answered. And for a moment the witch saw an expression in Andrew's eyes that sent a cold shiver down her spine, and made her wonder whether it really was true that all people with good manners are stupid. She put on her posh voice and said

“Have it your own way, Andrew. My orphans will love this, it's full of vitamins and goodness, and it will help to stop them missing their Mummy's and Daddies.” She thought how posh she sounded. Andrew had a sudden idea.

“Do you know that there is a list of children who need homes on the brigades notice board Ms Proctis?” he asked.

“Oooh,” said the greedy witch “I shall go to look at it tomorrow. You can look after the orphanage while I am away, Andrew, I shall be back for supper.”

Next morning, as soon as it was light, the witch put on her nurses outfit, it was blue with a white apron and hat. She pinned on her up side down watch, and her silver badge which said “Sister Rhoda Proctis.” and set off. As soon as she was out of sight, Andrew went into the orphanage, it only took him a minute to do what he had in mind, then he went to find Gemma and Robyn.

“The witch is away all day,” he told them, “and I have been sent by the Brigade to rescue you all, and take you back to your Mums and Dads. I need your help to gather all the children together. You must climb onto my back, sit quietly, and hold tight. With Gemma and Robyn helping it did not take long, and soon Andrew was covered with tiny therapods. Then he found the crocodile babies. He put his chin on the ground and opened his mouth. They knew at once what they should do, and ran inside. Then Andrew set off, bounding for the forest.

When the witch arrived at the Brigade's notice board, she looked for the list that Andrew had told her about, it was nowhere to be seen. But pinned in the middle of the board was a notice that said. “Reward offered for information leading to the arrest of Rosie Buttock, also known as The Witch of Mount Buttock, alias Ms. Rhoda Proctis. Wanted for questioning regarding the kidnapping and criminal ill treatment of infants.” The witch peered at it carefully, then let out a piercing shriek, and set out as fast as she could, back to the orphanage. Flying high above the Brigade’s notice board Sophie heard the shriek, and knew who had made it, and why. She must warn Andrew at once.

Even the dense primeval forest does not stop a tyrannosaurus in a hurry, and Andrew was in a hurry. The baby crocodiles were not frightened any more, and had begun to play games inside his mouth. They tickled dreadfully.

“Bo!” shouted one. It sounded to Andrew like an explosion inside his head, and his eyes watered. He rushed on, until he came to the path that leads to the Hurly Burly Ground, then he really moved. The therapods hung on for dear life. There was a rush of wings. Sophie circled above him. He slowed down and stopped as she landed in front of him.

“Andrew, the witch is coming back this way, get off the path and hide.” she said, Andrew did not reply, he could not. Gemma and Robyn, sitting on his head said,

“Andrew has got the two baby crocodiles in his mouth, running round his teeth.” Everyone laughed, except Andrew, and Sophie, who knew the witch must be very close.

“Put them into my beak, Andrew, they won't have room to run about in there. I will fly with them straight to Hideaway Island,” Sophie said, “then you must all hide quickly.” The baby crocodiles were transferred into Sophie's beak, and she flew away, while Andrew hid. Very soon the witch came puffing past, flying just above the trees, and looking around. But Andrew was well hidden, and the therapods kept still and quiet. After she had passed, Andrew continued on his way. The witch arrived at her orphanage, tired and hungry.

“Andrew!” she screamed. There was no reply, complete silence, and not a therapod in sight, either. She marched to her telly room, to turn on her telly. But there was no telly, just a few squashed fragments, where a huge foot had stamped on it. She flung herself on the carpet, and chewed the fringe in her rage.

There was great rejoicing on Hideaway Island when Andrew and Sophie arrived with all the rescued children. Crocobilly and Crocadilly liked long and important sounding names, and they decided to call their boys, Rameses. Ptolemy and Amenophis, and the girls Cleopatra, Nefertari, and Hatshepsut. But the two that were nearly lost, they named after their rescuers, Andrew and Sophie. They held a wonderful celebration birthday party for the children and all their friends. The little therapods came with their Mums and Dads too. Most of them were happy and smiling, ready to enjoy the party, but one or two of the Mums and Dads were looking very worried, because their children were so grumpy, and would not speak to them. They saw Mr. Moonlight preparing to give his magic show, and went to ask his advice. Mr. Moonlight went with them to look at the children, who were sulking in a corner. 

“These children are bewitched,” he said. “The witche’s spells have worked more powerfully on them than on the others, perhaps because they were at the orphanage for longer.” The worried parents all agreed that their children had been lost for longer. 

“Don't worry,” said Mr. Moonlight. He raised his magic wand and waved it slowly over the little therapods. In a loud voice he chanted

“Unbuttock, unbuttock, the witch of Mount Buttock.” Then raising his wand he shouted 

“Proctis!” Showers of sparks flew from the wand. The little therapods gazed up at them and smiled. Then they saw their Mums and Dads and rushed to hug them. Soon they were enjoying themselves again, and after thanking Mr. Moonlight, they all went together to join the party. 

Mr. Moonlight gave his magic show, helped by Rebecca and Courtney, and the singing and dancing carried on all night. When it was all over, Crocobilly and Crocadilly went to bed tired and happy.

At first light, they were woken by singing and laughing. They went to peep at their children. Andrew and Sophie Crocodile were teaching their brothers and sisters a new dance. In it six crocodiles had to stand perfectly still, while two took it in turns to dance around them. They said that the dance was called  

 “Andrew's Teeth.”